“trigger warning: This story explores suicide, including the details of how the author’s mother took her own life. If you are at risk, please stop here and contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for support. 800-273-8255″
by Laura Trujillo
“I stood and looked down into the canyon, at a spot where, millions of years ago, a river cut through. Everything about that view is impossible, a landscape that seems to defy both physics and description. It is a place that magnifies the questions in your mind and keeps the answers to itself.
“Visitors always ask how the canyon was formed. Rangers often give the same unsatisfying answer: Wind. Water. Time.
“It was April 26, 2016 – four years since my mother died. Four years to the day since she stood in this same spot and looked out at this same view. I still catch my breath here, and feel dizzy and need to remind myself to breathe in through my nose out through my mouth, slower, and again. I can say it out loud now: She killed herself. She jumped from the edge of the Grand Canyon. From the edge of the earth.”
“I went back to the spot because I wanted to know everything.”